Change my heart

Here’s a bit of what God was doing in my heart during the time I spent in India over the holiday and upon returning home (to China). Some recurring themes have been: resistance to submitting, the need for unity and that ultimately God’s kingdom is a backwards kingdom. “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.” (Mark 8:34-35)

It was SWEET to be going to India with my closest friends here in China. Before leaving our team talked about how fantastic it would be to meet together everyday to pray, read the Bible and encourage each other. It would be great – Right? However, being away from “normal” life and seeing the same people all day, all the time really gives you time and opportunities to think and realize things about yourself that you may not notice at home when you live by yourself.

One of those things was a resistance to submit to others. Ask my parents and they’ll tell you about a strong-willed child. You’d think now that I’m all grown-up and obviously so mature that that was clearly a thing of the past, right? BUT… apparently not! So many times when we sat down for our group time or had to practice a skit or dance my heart wasn’t right. Looking back, it’s easy to talk about now, but at the time there was often a big fight going on inside - a fight against following a schedule, sharing openly in a group and submitting to my good friend who had taken leadership to make decisions. A stinky stubborn unwillingness.

The funny thing is that we each had to take turns to preach while we were there, and I felt led to speak on UNITY. Specifically about Jesus’ command to “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.” (Matt 28:19-20) – but how can we do that unless we love one another? We MUST love one another, because “by this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35). And how can we love each other unless we change our attitudes and be willing to share with one another – submitting to God and then also each other (Eph 5:21). As a team we talked a bit about this one morning and broke down some walls by sharing how we were doing and encouraging each other. So good! The procrastinator in me wishes we could do this once and then relationships would be fantastic again, but the reality is that that’s not how it works. Continually you must humble yourself and come before God and each other. Which brings me to my last “theme”…

Jesus’ kingdom is a backwards kingdom. The people we met in India reminded us of this. We thought we were going to serve, but the people there never stopped serving us. Food and chai were always ready and waiting for us to eat first. When we visited their churches we were always given chairs while they sat on the ground, and when it was time to pray they nearly had their faces on the ground. When was the last time you had your face on the ground in prayer? I can’t hardly think of a time. Jesus said, “whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all” (Mark 10:43-44). Servants wash dirty things and get dirty themselves. They give up their rights to freedom - they give them to God.

...So now what?