This story begins like many kindergarten classes do, in a circle at the carpet. All was mostly calm as the children were finishing their "letter of the day" printing practice on their little chalkboards. I modeled how to print the letter on the worksheet and began my attempt to read students' names as I handed out their printing booklets. I'd read a few names when it started to smell like a terrible fart - but I continued on because really, this was kindergarten. A few more children put their chalkboards away, took their papers and headed to their table to print when I finally looked up and saw it --> a very LARGE POOP - sitting slightly to the left of the center of the carpet. The most perfect poop at that - for real, I was in shock at HOW it could have gotten there looking so round and full - a real big plop. Did some kid pull down his pants without me noticing??! HOW?? HOW did this happen in the short moments I was reading out names?!?!?! Most of the class was still sitting at the carpet and had not even noticed it!
Gathering my composure I quickly stood up and asked the class to stand up and walk around the edge of the carpet and straight to their tables. At this point SOME of the students began to notice the large brown smelly plop in the middle of the carpet. And of Course one student had to choose a different path - straight through the giant plop which he then tracked to the edge of the carpet! As a kind and patient teacher I told him to STOP and I undid his crappy velcro shoes as he stepped out of them and onto the clean floor.
But the problem still remained - WHO DID IT?!?? I had no idea. As the students walked back to their tables myself and the CEA began to frantically search the outsides of students' pants for traces of poop so we could figure out who was responsible. Did it come through someone's pants?!? Finally once all the students were sitting at their name places I was able to determine who was missing and who must have escaped to the bathroom in a mess. The CEA went after him and found him COVERED from head to toe with the traces we were searching for. Thankfully I avoided seeing that as I moved the entire class out of the foul smelling classroom. The rest of our far less exciting morning was spent in another classroom.
You may be wondering after all this, as I was too, just HOW did this happen?!? Well, it turns out that this shy little boy, who forgot to wear underwear that day, had to go real bad. And as I called his name and he came up to get his paper it just slipped out. How unfortunate. I doubt he'll forget to wear underwear to school again - or at least his mother won't forget after having to come to school and change his clothes in the middle of the morning.
I don't think I'll ever forget this crappy morning.
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